Ha, my broda, long time no see, no hear, no nothing, haba! (Nigerian speak).
Don't be angry, o, my good brother. Na dis mountain no dey let us see the other mountain (West African saying).
But why did you forget to send me April Fools' jokes this year? You know how much I always look forward to those jokes from Naija (Nigerians slang for Nigeria).
I didn't forget, my good brother. I just didn't want to waste your precious time in telling you that Nigerians have long given up on such mundane matters like April Fools.
Ha, I thought our people have a good time concocting those rib-cracking tales.
Ha, my brother. I guess it is because it's been a long time since you last set foot on our shores. Naija of today no be the Naija you left behind last year (Pidgin English).
You meant that things have gotten so worse.
My, brother, make you no talk. (Pidgin)
You can say that again.
I thought we have seen it all; I didn't know that our country can still spring a few surprises.
Few, you say? Everything in our dear fatherland will continue to surprise any sane person. Tell me, in what other country will a president go missing for three months?
OPPOSITION POLITICIANS ARE DEMANDING VISUAL PROOF THAT THE NIGERIAN PRESIDENT IS STILL ALIVE AND FIT TO GOVERN, SIX WEEKS AFTER HE LEFT THE COUNTRY FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT.
"President Yar'Adua left Nigeria on November 23 complaining of chest pains and has not been seen in public since. He is thought to be receiving treatment for a heart condition at a clinic in Saudi Arabia, but his absence has created a dangerous power vacuum at the top of Africa's most populous nation and one of the continent's biggest oil producers.
While observers warn of an impending constitutional crisis, the Government insists that business continues as usual. Delivering the annual new year address in the absence of the President, Goodluck Jonathan, the Vice-President, insisted: "The ship of state continues to sail."
(Source: From TimesOnline, January 7, 2010.)
Yes, I remember that one clearly, it was a national embarrassment.
That's not all, my broda. In what other country would the whole Senate be impotent in the face of such a grave constitutional crisis? Take a look at this headline:
SENATOR WANTS YAR'ADUA'S LOCATION INVESTIGATED
Thompson Sekibo, a Rivers State senator, whose effort to get his colleagues to discuss the disappearance of President Yar'Adua from public view was frustrated by the Senate president, has said he will re-introduce his motion.
Mr. Sekibo had on Wednesday, during the Senate sitting, tried to get the Senate to investigate the uncertainty of President Yar'Adua's actual location since his return to the country.
"Nobody has seen him since he left; we can't continue to stay like this," Mr. Sekibo told NEXT.
(Source: From NEXT, March 4, 2010.)
No, I didn't hear about that one.
My broda, I say wait. In what other country would the signature of the president be forged with no one clued as to who did it and no one was arrested? I am not making anything up. Take a look at this: